If you woke up tomorrow and the relationship had ended with no conversation, fallout or drama, would you be disappointed or relieved?

 

 

What are the emotions you mostly feel in relation to your partner? What are the thoughts you have most frequently? Is this how you want to feel like for the rest of your life?

 

 

Do you spend more time in the relationship or questioning the relationship?

 

 

It’s 5 years from now and you’re still living the exact same relational dynamic. How happy are you? What’s your mental health like? What’s your quality of life like?

 

 

If someone told you that you were a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you?

 

 

Are you truly fulfilled, or just less lonely?

 

 

Are you able to unapologetically be yourself, or do you feel the need to show up as someone different to please your partner?

 

 

Are you in love with who your partner is right now as a whole, or are you only in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them?

 

 

Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like your partner?

 

 

If you and your partner had kids, would you trust your partner to raise them alone if you were to die?

 

 

Do you feel more of “yourself” around this person? Or less?

 

 

Before your last breakup, did the same fears and thought patterns and uncertainty that you’re having now show up? Were you glad it ended? If so, is it possible that your hesitation may be due to the way you’re wired rather than the relationship being worth salvaging?

 

 

Are the sparks and excitement gone? Or have you evolved into a new era of your relationship?

 

 

Do you feel lonely while being in a committed relationship? Unsupported? Do you no longer feel like you’re on the same team?

 

 

Does your partner add to your energy or subtract from it?

 

 

Do you feel like you can tell your partner exactly what you think and feel? Or do you need to perform and adapt yourself

 

 

Are you persuaded to stay in this relationship just because of the time and energy you have invested? If this was 2 months in, would you still stay?

 

 

If you were to have the worst day of your life, would your partner make it lighter or more complex?

 

 

If you couldn’t have sex with your partner for 6 months, would you still stay together?

 

 

Are you genuinely curious about them? Are they genuinely curious about you?

 

 

If you broke up, would you actually miss them or just the fact that someone loved you?

 

 

Are your favourite moments together all distant memories way in the past or are you regularly making more?

 

 

Do you both agree on what a vision for your combined future should look like?

 

 

Think of a person who you really admire and how much effort you imagine they would put into this situation before giving up. Have you done more than that?

 

 

How quickly do you return to normalcy after an emotional incident like an argument? If single disagreements spiral into multi-day arguments, was it always this way? Do you think it will ever change?

 

 

And a final insight to ponder on from Mark Manson:

“You want to know what the biggest green flag is in a person? It’s what they do when you disappoint them.

Anybody can be really into you when things are going well. In fact, it’s really easy to be into somebody when things are going well.

But you actually find out what the relationship is when things don’t go well. When life just hits you in the face like a truck.

Emotional maturity is what you’re left with when things screw up.

How does your partner behave when you disappoint them? Do they attack you? Do they hold it against you? Do they withdraw?

Or do they try to understand you? Do you try to understand them? Are you communicative? Are they forgiving?

The quality of your relationship is not how good it is when everything is going well, it’s how quickly it recovers when things go wrong.” — Mark Manson